literature

Cigarette Break

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Literature Text

Cigarette Break

I know, I know
even in this puddle I don’t look like she does
that my hair won’t shimmer like hers:
oil on asphalt, after the rain

I know that my lumpy face
won’t smile straight as hers
teeth as even as train tracks
(once the braces were removed)

I know that my mouth is too big
my eyes are too honest
and my heart is still empty
echoing everything
a new room needing
bodies, motion, light
and the clutter of speech
confused with laughter

I know that I want you
in a soft and necessary way
that I long to push your hand to the shape of my need
until you cannot tell the two apart
that I want to press our bellies together
and feel the ridges of your ribs
like bananas in a paper sack

I know you cannot hear my whispering
persisting instead in wanting what will not have you
that you will not settle for my simple seduction
lacking in the dramatic complication
of your self inflicted wounds

I know
with all the certainty of rain
that standing in this parking lot
in blue jeans and fading flannel
where the concrete is becoming gravel
I know, looking out over town
as I inhale and exhale
fingering an unlit cigarette
I know, standing here consuming
ten minutes of uncluttered air gains me nothing
that no one is listening to these tilted conversations
that might be mistaken for prayers

I know, I know
I have to go back inside
where the air is full of noise
and the smoke surfaces above the grease
where I am only a parrot with no words of my own
a cracked vessel leaking specials with every breath
and the only consolation of not getting to be me
is not missing you
Dunno where this came from. Call it a ghosts spin off. I'm not sure I like it so much, I feel as though it should be plainer and more beautiful simultaneously. Essentially I think it should be smoothed out a bit, but I've tugged the corners as much as I can tonight.

.

~digitalcrayons is responsible for all of my random attractants.
© 2004 - 2024 epimetheus
Comments15
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justb's avatar
Ooof. Nice ending. This had great voice all the way through.
Good job.