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:iconepimetheus: More from epimetheus


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Submitted on
April 30, 2003
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384
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4 (who?)
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If I could write you something
as complicated as calico cats
(shy as genes receding)
I would
find a way to make this
as delicate as dust
across the surface
of an imperfect planet
indented from impact
with the interstellar
I would
make this as flat
as planes or as straight
as lines if I knew how
to beat all the times
to run a perfect mile
four bloodless
breathless revolutions
drawn to a point
and set to dance
all along the head
of a stainless steel pin
but all I can draw
are curves
and all I can paint
are squares
so that you will have to settle
for rudely crafted circles
full of poorly painted squares
a child\'s scribble
in place of the long elegance
of ells and effs
the crude scribble
of subway walls
and bathroom stalls
the disjointed syntax of prophets
and liars where the well paced words
of poets and lyres might do just as well
or better

What do I have to offer in return?
with hands as bare as beggars
and soft as speechless children?
Nothing but the attention
of a ragged dreamer
red rimmed eyes scheming for sleep
the voice of a painter learning to sing
because he never had eyes for color
or money for paint
and the metal heart of a machine
learning how to hurt again
There was something witty and insulting here before, but it went away out of spite and neglect. Hopefully you'll treat it better next time, but you let the flowers die too, didn't you, you lazy fucking bastard. Next time only plastic plants and a dear john for you.

Next time.
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:icontragicrabbit:
tragicrabbit Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2003
lovely work.. i especially love the part about the painter learning to sing, i don't know why but that struck me for some reason. nice job :)

- brittany
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:iconamyfae:
amyfae Featured By Owner May 6, 2003   Writer
mmmmm...beautiful alliteration (I'm biased towards alliteration) and hidden rhymes and almost rhymes. I think this flows nicely.

Unfortunately, I don't have the attention span right now to go into detail about it...but overall I like it muchly.

~amyFae~*~
Reply
:iconcbm2004:
cbm2004 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2003   Photographer
I love this. I really like the "I would" parts and this part:
--
but all I can draw
are curves
and all I can paint
are squares
--
is totally awesome. This is defenatly one of the best poems I have seen on devArt. +fav
Reply
:iconpillow:
pillow Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2003
this is pretty dam good, the verse structure, and the metaphors and similies, all flow well with your connections
Reply
:iconjustaphase:
justaphase Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2003   Writer
i think this is one of the most, real of your pieces. I enjoy clever pastings of words together as much as anyone, but this made me stop and read it again. The repeats of a few words seemed strange at first, but as Iread on I was delighted to find the rhythm was syncopated, not a set out pattern, at least in my mind, with as much variation as a good song.

ill quote my favorite line because i can.

shy as genes receding paired with the previous line is worth a million bucks. shazam, and a favorite well earned.
Reply
:iconspinning-plates:
spinning-plates Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2003   Writer
I like this.
Reply
:icongyroscope:
gyroscope Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2003
ahh, well, you're getting back into form.

yet another favourite.
Reply
:iconwanderingjizo:
wanderingjizo Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2003
I like this a lot. very stream of consciousness. The final part, "the metal heart of a machine, learning how to hurt again" is especially powerful. I can relate to this poem a lot, ,especially the part about having to settle for what you can give, ,even though it isnt perfect. Beautiful. You've done it again, friend.
Reply
:iconmariamaria:
mariamaria Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2003   Writer
Don't know if my attitude towards poetry is changing or if you're actually getting better.
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